I celebrated a milestone yesterday. 30 years old.

I sort of freaked out about turning 25. {because 25 is practically 30-or at least that’s what I told myself.} It just feels like the expectation to be more adult-like is there now that my age starts with a “3″.

But I’ve been blessed with 30 really great years-and that is a reason to celebrate. {not freak out.}

And so-that’s what I did!

I bought a fun new dress {thanks to the fabulous Laura}, enjoyed a lazy day at home with Ben, got a haircut & shared hobos for dinner w/ some of our new friends. {complete with chocolate cake baked inside hollowed out oranges-YUM!} And there’s more celebrating to be done! {I’m all for extending the birthday celebrations as long as possible…} 

The other day I ran sound for an ITT tech graduation. There are several technical schools that use GCEC for graduations, and I actually really like being there for them. The graduating class of a small technical school in Tulsa is a lot different then that of the average 4 year institution. Last night there were several graduates who told their story. One was a single father who took care of his 9 year old daughter, worked, and put himself trough school.  Another had been in jail for simple possession and when he got out he wanted to change his life, so he went to school, in the mean time his dad had died and his mom had a stroke and was not even able to be at the graduation. There is something really cool about seeing a group of people who have struggled to reach a goal get there.

Everybody has their struggles with school (i know i took my time getting done), but there is something different about seeing people who have experienced some pain in life, realized that there was something that they needed to learn, and choose to go to school to learn it. They didn’t go to school just because it was what they were supposed to do after they graduated, they went because they had decided that they needed to.

I had an interesting conversation the other day with a neighbor. He came over and said something along the lines of:

“I had to come over to your yard 3 times last night to chase off homeless people, just wanted to let you know…so be sure and close your gates and stuff so they can’t get in. We have been working hard to keep the homeless people away, just wanted to let you know.”

I have been thinking about this some. So, here is my question. What happens when “love your neighbor” conflicts with “help the poor”?

I don’t think that this particular situation is so mutually exclusive, but what if there was a situation where you had to choose?

I think my jaw may have literally dropped.
I think the word “what?!” may have come out of that open jaw in a whisper of disbelief.
I know my eyes were wide with shock.

And I sort of hate that I reacted in any way to someone telling me that Jennifer Knapp was gay.

But I sort of like that I had to find out for myself before I could move any further down the path of thinking about it/figuring out what I believe about it.

And I found some really great stuff here. Mostly because it goes straight to the source.

And as we watched her in concert last night, there were lots of things swimming around in my head…

how?
why?
how can she love God & willingly “disobey”
how do I feel about singing along to these songs that are so powerful to me, knowing they were written by someone who would do that.

how could I be such a hippocrite?
no, wait…it’s wrong to judge her, I don’t even know her.

And then, this thought came to mind…

She’s just not who I thought she was.

As if I even knew her in the first place!

And that’s sort of where I’ve landed with this for right now.
I don’t know her. I know that she has written some powerful songs. And I still love them.
And I know that she sang her heart out last night & it was beautiful to watch her & get drawn into her music-full of questions/honesty/faith/hope.

And I know that we, as Christians, are called to love above all else.

Not fix, or change, or judge.

love.

So I will keep trying to train my brain/emotions/heart to not react so quickly to shocking news. But to love first.

If you are all car savvy just ignore this post.

The other day I used a 3M Headlight Restoration Kit to polish the headlights on my car. It worked amazingly well:

So, if your headlights seem dim and the lenses are all foggy spend the $25 and 30 minutes it takes to restore them. It makes a big difference.

I was thinking this might be a business opportunity. What if you restored peoples headlights while they were at work? The system is completely portable, so you could go to the parking lot. It would only take a few hundred in start up cost, and some savvey marketing. You could probably charge $30, and I think it would take around 20 minutes to do the whole process once you got good at it. You would have to factor in some travel time as well…and of course all the normal business expenses like insurance, replacing worn out gear, etc.

I’m not sure the status of micro finance in the United States, but it seems like the amount of money it takes to impact an individuals ability to generate wealth is much higher here then, say, on the African continent (this is pure speculation). A business like this could be funded through some sort of micro finance or peer to peer set up, and might be a viable option for somebody looking to start a low cost business.

Watch this video:

Done? Good.

So, I have been challenged. What is the single story I have in my mind about the poor? The Rich? Muslims? Artist, Hipsters, the young, the old, that guy who cut me off in traffic?

What single stories do you believe?

Three posts in one day? This blog is getting down right chatty!

Yesterday I spent about 4 hours making conversation with people I don’t know. Now, if you know me at all…im not big on just having conversations with people. It is exhausting to me. I had a headache the rest of the day.

But it was good. Basically I spent the day hanging out with a lady who lives under a bridge, a lady who lives at a shelter and a guy who lives with a pastor we know. I was privileged to be allowed into their community for a few hours. There were a lot of things that we talked about, but here are two that i thought i would share:

Community is everywhere: This is nothing new, but yesterday I saw a great example of this.  If our only idea of community is centered  around small groups at church then our view is way to narrow. Everybody needs people to live life together with, and even a fiercely independent woman who lives on the streets recognizes that in her life.

Programs don’t work: I have a limited perspective on this right now, but for these three the programs, rules and systems that have been built around the homeless in Tulsa don’t work. All of them are taking active steps in their lives to change their situation (working jobs, doing the paperwork to have a nursing licenses restored, taking GED classes, etc), its not that any of them are looking for a system to save them. However, in the eyes of these three, the system in place has not helped them move from where they are now to where they dream to be. I don’t want to paint to broadly here, I know there are some people who the systems in place have helped, and I am only seeing a very narrow view right now.  Greg has something to say about this.

Any way, that’s enough for now…

This is my reflection on one of our recent classes with Mark of TellTheirStory.org

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It seems that there were two basic areas we talked about with Mark…related but distinct. Ill start with development.

I do of course really appreciate the approach of micro finance, partnering with people in empowering relationships, and involving investors and donors in a very real way. Jacqueline Novogratz’s idea of patient capital (long term investment where the return is more about social change then a monetary percentage), is a really compelling idea to me, and is very closely related to what Mark is doing.

The thing that stands out from that conversation was the idea of approaching economics from a standpoint of scarcity or plenty. I do think in terms of plenty…I have no doubt that there is plenty for all. But I guess it seems like it depends on what you are measuring. Here is my worry: what if there are some things that do have to be given up to allow others to have plenty? The easy thing to pick on is anything we have the can derive from exploitation (cheap stuff, diamonds, coffee, sugar). What if we, as people with plenty, think we don’t have enough to make sure factory workers in China are paid a living wage? Now, I don’t want to be cliche with this stuff, the issues of trade, labor, wage, exploitation, etc. are very complex (see The Travels of a T-Shirt in the Global Economy: An Economist Examines the Markets, Power, and Politics of World Trade), even if you just try to look at one single industry. Understanding it on a global scale seems impossible. But my worry stands; what trappings of plenty are possible because somebody has less?

I’m not sure where im going with this. I guess that I wonder if there is in fact something that has to be given up? I’m not talking about some sort of redistribution of wealth, that those with plenty will have to have nothing so that others can have something. But, it seems that there are some things we have that are built on the shoulders of the poor. It seems that this a lot of it is unimportant stuff though, cheap stuff from wal-mart. I don’t know, I might just not understand the economics of it all well enough, but it seems like this issue is less cut and dry then just saying that everybody can have everything. I found this picture a long time ago painted by the artist Banksy:

I think about it a lot. So, what if we are unwilling to pay 10% more on a meal so that the guy washing dishes can earn enough in a 60 hour week to pay rent? Part of this I suppose has to do with thinking long term. The person buying the meal might happen to own an antique shop. If this person only thinks short term then this is a situation of scarcity. There are only $10 in the meal and they have to be divided up. Somebody does not get enough. Or the customer can give up the extra dollar and pay $11, thus insuring that everybody had enough, except that he is out the dollar. In the short term he loses. But, I suppose, that if you look in the long term he might not. If all the dishwashers in the world have a bit of extra money some of them will start collecting antiques, and he gets his dollar back. I don’t know…i think i would need a degree in economics to really understand all of this!

There is another issue around this that we did not really talk about but it is related. For the sake of simplicity lets say that we (us) are obsessed with having stuff, with being comfortable at all costs, that we have built walls between us and nature, that we don’t know what it means to be connected to people, that we have to be entertained, that our priorities are wrong…all the negative stereotypes of the privileged that you can think of. So, say we invest patently, empower people, develop economies and create wealth. Are we just giving people tools to be us? To end up in a life obsessed with having stuff, with being comfortable at all costs, with walls between them and nature, without connections with people, needing to be entertained, with wrong priorities? I have two thoughts about this right now:

First, Jacqueline Novogratz returns. She has some interesting things to say about this. First, she throws out the romantic view of poverty. This is the idea that people with nothing are really better off because they understand family, community, and generosity. These things may be true, but the also have to walk five hours a day to get water, are always hungry, and their infant daughter died last week. So, Jacqueline says that we are giving people a choice. Through smart investment and development we allow people to choose to stay where they are, or to start down the path of developing economies and all that comes with that (good and bad). If they are really better off where they are, they will stay.

Second, I think this issue speaks to part of why development and spiritual formation go hand in hand. The thing that prevents people from becoming us is having the right person at the center of the story. If I am at the center of the story then naturally I can become obsessed with having stuff, with being comfortable at all costs, have to be entertained and with wrong priorities. However, if Christ is the center of my story then I probably will still become all of those things, but I will be fighting it. Christ will teach me to use my stuff to help others, to bring comfort to others, for my entertainment to be something more then mindless, and to have right priorities.

There is a bunch of stuff about this at Speaking of Faith if your interested.

On to story.

It is clear that Mark has thought about story a lot more then me, which is not surprising. It’s also clear that I have thought about economic development a lot more then story…

The question of exploitation is obviously important to me. I want to make sure that as I record what people have to say and take their picture that I do not use them, manipulate their words, be untruthful. I am really still processing this. I think the biggest place where this tension exists for me is when you are telling stories for the sake of an organization or project. Tomorrow I am going to start making a list of people i want to interview for a specific project. This project has a broad purpose, essentially it is to profile the community around the church so that we can give a taste of east Tulsa during a fund raiser. All i have to do is document what is, what people really say. Yet there is a temptation to shape the story. I want to show a “realistic yet hopeful” view of the community. I am already putting my agenda on it. What if there is no hope? Then what? In this case it’s actually not really that big a deal. I really can just show what I find. But what if Mark goes out and interviews a local hero and by the end the gist is “we have been working hard for 10 years, and now the water pump is broken, im tired of this, one of our co-op members stole all our money, and we are no better off then we were 10 years ago. It was better when people just showed up every now and then and gave us free food.” Then what? If it were me I hope I would be willing to take that story, put it in context, put it on the web site and be honest in saying that what we do is hard, that we don’t always have the answers, sometimes we might be wrong and make mistakes, that there are setbacks, and that it takes perseverance. But I think i would probably be scared to.

In the end I think that this is not solvable. You just have to know that this tension exists, and make sure that you are constantly checking yourself.

The most encouraging part of the conversation was hearing mark talk about the value that recording somebodies story brings to them. That just by taking the time to listen you help somebody feel like they have worth and value. Over the last several weeks as i have been interviewing a few people I think that is part of what I have enjoyed the most, is that they have seemed to really appreciate getting to share a bit about themselves with somebody. I have enjoyed hearing the stories and have learned from them, but i think (hope) that they felt valued because of the time I spent with them.

During our class we discussed three characteristics of communities of spiritual formation: people tell the truth, power and goals are different from the world and fear is diminished.

It seems this is a good framework for some reflection on the Garnett Church of Christ community.

People Tell the Truth:

This community values the truth. One of the most stark examples of this to me is how the leadership of the church handled the case of a young couple in the church who had a baby together before they were married. This would be a prime chance to ignore a situation, sweep it under the rug, or try to handle it in some secret cliche way. Instead the leadership of the church chose to handle this in the open. the leadership stood before the church at acknowledged that there had been sin, that there were consequences to what had happened. The couple then stood before the church and everybody laid hands on them and prayed for them.

So, it was awesome to see truth told, but it was truth backed up with love. They could have told the truth of sin and consequence, and it could have lead to rejection and isolation, but instead it is (i think) leading to healing and restoration.

I often hear (or are part of) conversations about transparency between leadership and the congregation. This transparency ranges from budget discussions to ministry leadership. I think that this openness and honesty is something that is truly being strived for.

A sort of institutional honesty is a big part of this of course. But it seems that there is another aspect to this, and that is how individuals relate to each other. Do they tell the truth and are honest? This is harder to know about of course, Its harder to know and understand what is going on within individual relationships. There are some times though when I feel like there may be some untruth between individuals. I don’t really have any specific examples of this, I think this is normal relationship stuff…people avoiding conflict, wanting people to like them and not saying no. I don’t at all think that this is some sort of indication that there is some secret covering up of truth, rather that people are people in every community.

Power and Goals are Different from the World.

There is clearly a different goal at Garnett. I have never really felt like anybody is looking for power or to build a kingdom. They truly are trying to create a place where God’s love is shown to all people. People on the outside see this. Greg has told me that even Mayor Cathy Taylor saw that Garnett Church loved all people, and that this was unusual, even at times among churches.

I think that the question of process vs. program is interesting at Garnett Church of Christ. I have never felt like there is a drive to create some sort of program that will drive people to the outcome that the church wants. At the same time I think they are still trying to figure out the process. Not that this is a community that has no direction and is just wondering around. It is clear that this community wants all people to know God’s love, but the question of how this community does that is not as well defined. This is not surprising (or even bad really) considering that the church in its current form (leadership, etc) has been around for less then a year. I guess the bottom line is that this place does not seem to want to have anything to do with programs that shoehorn people into set expectations and seek out preset conclusions. They truly are seeking ways to serve people through relationship and knowing them.

Fear is Diminished.

I have one story to tell that I think sums up this point about Garnett:

Yesterday i was interviewing a lady who has gone to Garnett Church of Christ for the last 40 years. I asked her what the biggest struggle she has overcome in her life was. She said her divorce. Some time ago, i really don’t know exactly when, her and her then husband attended church at Garnett. They were active members teaching Sunday school together and being very involved in the Church. Then he had an affair. She went through a lot, but the church stood by her. I asked if she was ever worried that the church would reject her because of her divorce, that she would in some way be marginalized. Her answer: “Never. It never even occurred to me.”  No doubt she felt a lot of fear and rejection during this time. But the community stood to accept her and to help her overcome that fear.

A lot is different about this church then it was 20 or 30 years ago, but on this point I don’t think much has changed.

Last week we got to spend some time with Mark Regouby of TellTheirStory.org. We talked a lot about how to tell somebodies story and not exploit them. Mark works to connect people from the states to microfinance projects in the developing world. He also records and tells the stories of the people who are part of these projects. So, here is the question: how do you record and tell somebodies story and not exploit them? Especially when your organization (and livelihood) depend on somebody hearing the story and being compelled to some action. I’m not sure the answer…perhaps you just have to live with the tension of that.

Tonight I was out walking around taking a few pictures. As I was walking I noticed a homeless man sleeping. I must say, this might be the hardest picture i have ever taken:

It’s not even a great picture, but it took me a long time to decide to take it. I think there is an important story in this picture…a story about homelessness, hopelessness, perhaps something about economy, health care, family…despite that it does seem a bit exploitative. Did I just take it to satisfy my desire to take an interesting picture? Or to make a blog post about something I have been thinking about? I envy great street photographers who can take pictures of people and compel the viewer to consider how to react to the situation. Perhaps someday I will take a picture that does that…but i hope that I never lose sight of people, and never disrespect the story of the people in the picture.

what do you think? How do you take pictures of people, how do you tell the stories of people without turning them into mere subjects?